You can't see me through the screen, you only know what I want to tell you. So I wonder, am I attractive? What do I look like, what do I feel like?

My hair reaches the middle of my back, almost too long. It is blonde again, through outside forces, but it is blonde again. I have red highlights, auburn hints that change with the way I turn my head.

My eyes are blue. Chameleon blue. When I am sad, or quiet inside my eyes turn so dark they are almost black. When there is laughter in my voice the blue becomes bright like ice. My eyes usually speak volumes more than my words, my eyes cannot lie.

My tone is fair, with a pinkish 'hue'.

My fingers are long and worn. My hands whisper that my years number more than I have lived.

My nails are not long. They can't be, I have to use them too much.

When I smile my whole face scrunches up with happiness.

Jim tells me I have a nice ass, firm.

My legs aren't as long as I would like them to be, but they are muscular and strong.

My voice is deep, raspy, porn queen if I am trying. There is no fake in my voice unless I want there to be.

I can be warm and inviting, I can be cold and icy, I can be whatever I want... some days. I can be the biggest whiney baby. I can be a sobbing broken little girl. I can be strong, I can be so weak little things seem too much. I am spoiled, I get my way.

If you sat in my living room you could know me in all of these ways. Mostly I am just what you see, there is very little hiding. I say what is on my mind. I come off with the attitude "if you don't like it screw you" but really I hope that you do like me. I want very much to be liked.

I am bad at keeping secrets. No one in my family will tell me what they are giving others for Christmas, I usually tell.
However, there are a handful of secrets I hold tightly.

I have wondered if I was a good friend. I have to say I think I am. I think this mostly because I have wonderful friends myself, friends who would not put up with anyone who was full of shit. I friends that love me, friends that are there for me every inch of the way, people don't stay with someone who is never there for them.

I don't know if I am a good mother. There are days my patience is to thin. There are days I just wish they would disappear for a while. There are days when I expect too much, there are times I do too much for them.

I am not the wife I thought I would be. Maybe I was once, but now I am very critical of my husband. I don't always put his needs very high. I don't always want his touch, I don't always want to listen.

I am not all that I think I should be, but I think, for right now, I am all that I CAN be.

This is the me I see, and because I write, this is the entire me you will get to see.

On my fridge:
See me.

There is a snow drift on my patio that goes up almost to the top of the sliding door. It is as tall as I am! Jamie has drifts at her house that cover her car, we indeed had a blizzard.

New thing for me, each day I am going to put a link on the date. Some days it will have to do with the significance of the day, other times just something fun.
On this day in 1991 Super Soakers first appeared on the market.

yours, brittly

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