I watch a single snowflake.

I watch it drift swaying left and right slowly debating its landing.

"To go where the wind takes us" I told my fathers sister this afternoon.

I want to look to the horizon, grab hold of my family, and jump.

What if the wind blew one strong gust, throwing my snowflake into a topsy turvy spin?

What if the wind went calm?
What if my snowflake floated straight down, stopped searching, and nestled quickly with all the others like it?

What if my crisp tiny snowflake fell to the frozen ground alone, only to fade away in the morning sun?

What if?

What if I never tried, what regrets would I hold?

What if I left, what would my children miss in having extended family?

What if we failed again?

What then?

How on earth can I decide?

How can I NOT decide?

I said that I felt so old, but right now, I feel much to young to have my family's entire future in mine and Jim's hands.

Tonight we lay still, Jim on top of me, just soaking in our life. The life we had, the life we have, and the life we dream of.

Hope in the quiet of this season ending, you find your very own spot, nestled in the blanket across the world. Yours, brittly